My wife of ten years told me today that we should not be together. Six months ago she was having a FB and txt affair with another man while the whole time lying to be and not expressing her feeling to me about anything. For the last six months I have tried everything I can to get her to talk to be but I get nothing. Now today just a few days after our ten year anniversary she said its over. We have four childrren that I love with all my heart and they are my life. I can’t stand to be away from them. I don’t think I can live without them. I have spent the last nine years building our dream hone all the while working six and seven day weeks at my job 12hours a day. I have put everything into making a home for my family. Before we were married I had spent five years remodeling a house only to sell it so we could move to make her happy. I put all that money into our home. Now I will have nothing. 15years of my life gone. I can’t stand the idea of getting use to seeing my children a fees times a month. I need them in my life everyday. Putting them to bed is the highlight of my day. I work the graveyard shift so I tuck them in then go to work. I have been working seven days a week for almost two years straight now. My wife is a stay at home mom. I work on the house in my off hours plus do the dishes and clean the kitchen every morning when I get home from work. She thinks its not enough. The house is always a mess even though she has all the day while the kids are in school to clean and she gets mad when I say something about it. She says its my fault she feels this way. As I said I love my children but I can’t live my life seperate from them. I have a whole bottle of ambient that I am thinking about taking. Either that or slit my wrists either way I think it will be peaceful. I know my children, brothers and father willow not understand and I hate to cause then pain but I don’t see a choice here. The debt could be resolved by selling the house that I have worked so hard on and maybe we could start sperate lives but she said no to that. Why is it ok for her to take my hone and my children from me? I don’t see many choices here. I don’t want advise I don’t want help just wanted to vent I suppose. I don’t believe in hell. That’s just a way of controlling primitive people. But I am still scared. My mother died a few years back. Maybe I can be with her.
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If I may comment on your story.
You don’t want advice? It’s times like these that say, “life isn’t fair. Why did I work so hard to just lose it like this?” It’s because that is the way it is sometimes.
Women need attention, and if they don’t get it from the one they live with, they’ll seek it elsewhere. Working yourself to the bone for survival is one thing, but was it worth losing what you love? You have a few paths to walk here:
1. Figure out what YOU want.
Death by suicide, and leave your loved ones behind?
That’ll teach them that they pushed you away, or it may teach them nothing…you lost credibility and you won’t be remembered fairly. Not a great idea because it is usually seen as a cowardly act or the easy way out. Besides, you will fare better to weather the storm than skip out and not live to see the next episode.
Take control of your schedule and be home and awake with your spouse and children. When the cat is away, the mice will play. Perhaps marriage counseling? I would suggest that this would be a must, because the next step would have to be legal.
Get a lawyer, and lay down your story. You WANT to keep YOUR house, and YOUR kids. She may be home all day screwing around, but you earn the bread. That counts for something.
What do *you* want?
2. Tell your kids you love them. All the time.
3. Ambien apparently by the testimony on this website is very strong and will wipe your mind out if you take enough of it. The last thing you really want is to be a vegetable.
I do hope you get some tools and techniques to deal with your situation. I’m so sorry to read your story of events that can happen to most families in this difficult economic struggle, to which I hope I never face a situation like this. I have seen my own sibling face a similar situation to which it was very frustrating. The way out of his situation was to get the best lawyer money can buy, and put the homewrecker out of the home, and tell your kids that she’s sick and has lost her mind. He eventually “won” by taking her out on a date to figure out what was going on. She wasn’t doing the right things and in time, things are going back to normal. People don’t know how nice they have it until it’s gone. (this means people, not just things.)
If she is set on ditching you, then it’s time for some reconnaissance.
If her “boyfriend” can take her in, you need to meet him, and record every conversation you have. You may have to relay messages through the lawyer and not talk to your spouse ever again in person or by phone. If the “boyfriend” is trash, you have the chance to maintain full custody of your children. A wife that abandons her family is unworthy of the title of mother of YOUR children. What ever happened to those marriage vows? Was it a bunch of garbage when you two spoke them?
4. Most important: Take control of the household money NOW. Take care of the mail and the bills. DO IT. YOU ARE THE MAN, and if your wife is not game for being IN the family, then she is hereby stripped of her duties to the household. No keys for her neither. You own the cars? She doesn’t? Take those keys. No house keys! Change locks if necessary. Is her name on the deed to the house? No? Get her out, toss her stuff onto the lawn. Show the neighbors that what trash is in your home. Peer pressure. The drama will pass. She can’t kick you out of YOUR home. Call the cops if your must. No VIOLENCE!
If these suggestions are unacceptable, then you will have to speak to her parents and other family members and get some “authority peer pressure” on her to rectify her actions. You may potentially hear some flack in your direction reiterating her grievances against you. Listen to them. You need the feedback in order to change your habits, because there are two sides to the story. If they are invalid, then you call them out on their lack of morality in the issue. Selfishness has NO ROOM in a family household. A house divided cannot stand! Family members that support immorality are selfish and are not right in the mind. From that moment, you will know where you should stand: Take a stand and fight for your rights as FATHER to those children, and MAN of the home you built. You earned it, and you deserve it.
I hope this helps and that you get to where you want to be in life. I know the order is difficult, and things may be harder than ever on you, but you have to take the moral high ground and you will need support from your family to get through it. You have to have hope and always say I can do this. A defeatist attitude is so easy to have, and is considered to be an enemy to your cause, so harboring any thoughts such as that will kill your morale.
If indeed it looks hopeless, you are going to need more help than words from any advisor. Seek professionals: A priest or pastor. Prayer. then friends, family, parents, loved ones, or other professional therapists and people that have been where you are. Get help and ask for it. You’re not a jerk right? You’re a great person, right? You deserve the help! I wish you the best.
Peace be upon you now.
Do not commit suicide. Please don’t…it is not fair to you or your children. Your children will always have an emptiness that nothing can fill. Things seem impossible right now, but they are not. Suicide is a permanent fix for a temporary problem. They say that kids with a parent that killed themselves are 50% more likely to commit suicide as well.
I am going through some issues in my life right now too. In January 2012 I made a hasty decision to end the pain and suffering. I took several Ambien (15-20 of the 10mg pills). I wanted to take more, but I didn’t want my family to notice. Within a few minutes I blacked out. Fortunately, my mom (who lives with my husband and I) noticed I was looking a little goofy and called 911. I don’t remember anything until the next night and I was still in ICU. I have an adult daughter, an autistic son, and an amazing husband that I would have hurt beyond belief. Thank God my mom knows me so well. My problems are because I quit my job more than a year ago and haven’t been able to work since then due to a back injury. I was feeling blue because I was turned down for Social Security disability, I am in constant pain, and I feel robbed of the things I want to do. A week ago a local physician took his own life. The pain, anger, sadness, and confusion he left behind really spoke to me. My family and I deserve better. I want to see my son graduate and get married. I want to watch my granddaughter grow up. I want to feel my husbands warm, loving embrace. Life goes on and we find the strength to keep going, even in troubled times. My faith is being challenged these days, but I pray you find strength to live and be the dad that your kids need- even if its not every day. They will have comfort knowing you are there.
Hang in there. Your kids need you as much or more than you need them.
I cannot understand why your wife would want to hurt a good man like you. If what you said is true, she doesn’t deserve you but your children do. Don’t deprive them of a good dad by ending your life. That means she will win without a fight. Don’t give her the advantage by taking the Ambien. Make her fight. Make her earn it because as I see it, she doesn’t do anything to contribute to the house and therefore doesn’t deserve it.
From a woman’s point of view, I can’t understand why a judge 9 times out of 10 on cases like yours, they grant the wife, the house, child support and alimony all the while she has been cheating, perhaps never sunk a penny into a home but yet the judge gives the wife the whole nine yards. Kids too the mom. Why doesn’t the dad get a break??? I never understood it.
Please let us concerned citizens know how you are doing.
Take care and keep in touch.
I lost someone to suicide and now work at a suicide prevention center. I am not going to give you the usual spill we give.
You’re need to see your kids everyday is just that YOUR NEED. By killing yourself you take away what they need most: you. And you teach your kids its ok to quit when life gets tough. You show them that you cared more about your own happiness than theirs.
You are a father that loves his children. Do not hurt and abandon them.
Love them the best you can