I used to get monthly ‘scripts for zolpidem to counteract the sleeplessness associated with being on an SSRI for a few years. I had already used xanax to counter the anxiety portion and i eventually started abusing that. Either way, the anxiety went away after a while so I quit using the xanax, but months later the insomnia started so I got the zolpidem. Point being: I have a history of overdoing it.
Well, zolpidem definatly tickled the same euphoria receptors that xanax, klonopin, etc did and I found myself easily staying awake on the stuff. And yes, I got high on it for sure.
I eventually got a script for Ambien CR while at the same time I still had several refills on the zolpidem. Since they where both active scripts and of different “formulations” I could take 30 doses in 10 to 15 days, then get the other formulation filled without my insurance or the Walgreens computer freaking out, filling in an every-other-one fashion.
I remember one time I took an entire month’s worth in a week! I went to the pharm for a refill after that week and the tech looked at me and said, “Sir, exactly how many of these do you take each night?”
“Um…what’s that?”, I asked, as if I didn’t know exactly what they had said. I knew they had me there!
“We can’t sell this to you sir, you filled last week.”
The withdrawal from that week was horrendous! I had the dizziness and brain shocks so bad I was pretty much useless. My psych prescribed me a valium (very small amount) taper, but first said incredulously, “You took 6 ambien a night for 5 days, that worries me.” I don’t remember getting any more ambien from him after that. Trazodone turned out to be a safer alternative.
Some days I would wake up to find as many as 9 pills gone and try to figure out how I would be able to have enough to last me until refill time.
I usually went for walks. One vague memory I have is being utterly lost about a block from my house one summer night. I remember squinting up at the street sign with the orange street lamp halo behind it and thinking, “Now, where am I?”
I consider myself lucky, and don’t take the fact that I’m still alive for granted. I never had bad hang overs, always woke up at a descent time, never missed work. But if I had gotten in my car one of those nights I have no doubt I’d either be in prison for manslaughter or dead myself.
