Comments on: About

By: Allen

Allen — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 21:27:03 +0000

Reading many of these stories makes me know I’m not alone. That being said it has come to a point in my life where living is no longer rewarding. I am about to become homeless due to being denied unemployment benefits, job searching for months has been of no use, I’m down to my last $1000 from my 401k, I am the black sheep of my family so no one will help me out…my mom died less than a year ago and I was never there for her, I live alone have no real friends and have become pretty much a recluse. My health is deteriorating, I have given up caring about anything, even the thought of my children does not deter me. Medication and therapy does nothing for me…I am at the end of my rope. I have a full vial of both Ambien and Xanax here…after a last weekend spent in NYC with my gf I plan on getting very drunk one night soon and taking both vials and just going to sleep and never waking up…I’m done. It helps me that I am not alone in thinking like this. What lies beyond this life I don’t know but I can’t carry on like this any longer.

By: whiplash

whiplash — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:56:16 +0000

Lost both my patents ten days apart in 2010. Gave birth to a.beautiful baby boy Michael 2010. His father is a jerk and is very stingy on letting me see him. I take anywhere from 6 to 12 mg of klonopin daily for anxiety. Tonight I am adding 100mg of trazadone. So done with the bs. I have no family

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 01:50:50 +0000

The question that keeps getting asked is “how many Ambien will it take for a lethal overdose?” To answer that question, you have to know that deaths from Ambien poisoning are the result of respiratory failure. Basically, this is the fatal version of sleep apnea — the tissues in your airway go slack, making it harder and harder to breathe, until you just stop. Then your heart stops and, eventually, your brain becomes starved for oxygen and dies.

So if you’re looking to overdose, bear in mind that failure can make you brain damaged. Beyond that, it really depends on your own body’s propensity to keep breathing. A young fit person is going to be more resistant to Ambien than an older person who already has sleep apnea. Taking Ambien with other respiratory depressants will increase its effect, as will environments that cause rebreathing or hypoxia. The longer it takes for someone to find you, the longer the drugs have to work.

I can tell you for sure that 600 mg is enough to kill someone. Maybe not everyone, but I woke up on a ventilator. In retrospect, I’m glad I did wake up. One of my doctors told me that suicidal thinking is your brain’s way of telling you there’s something really wrong, just like chest pain is your body’s way of telling you you’re having a heart attack. I would never tell anyone to look on the bright side or remember God loves you or any of that crap. But I would encourage people who want to die to make one more phone call. Call 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK. Probably you feel like it’s not going to make any difference, and maybe it won’t. But you don’t have anything to lose, and you can always kill yourself tomorrow.

By: Edward

Edward — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 01:13:00 +0000

It is not suicidal to think about that …. It is only suicidal if you attempt it! Please don’t because it doesn’t solve anything for anyone and just causes more pain for your love ones

By: Marie

Marie — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:12:01 +0000

I have felt this dark cloud over me since i was fourteen. i have been on a few meds, but to me none of them have made me feel better. I feel that i am lost and alone. I know i have all these people around me who love me and care about me, but yet i feel numb to there love. I have been struggling to be happy for years, self medicating myself with drugs and alcohol. I mean i know its not the best way to handle things but its the only thing i know. I have Ambien prescribed to me, and have thought alot about taking them all. I am scared but i feel that this is the only way i will be happy.! I don’t wanna leave all my loved ones behind but feel that it would just be better if i wasn’t here anymore.! Alot of my family wants me to go to impatient treatment but i’m scared. i don’t wanna go.

can someone help me before it’s too late.? I just need someone to talk too…. I am lost.

mclean.shanise@gmail.com

By: Kelly

Kelly — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 23:20:18 +0000

Why can’t killing oneself be easy without some one interfering and trying to save you.I just want it all to end for me. I tried overdosing myself but it just made me very sick for a few days, now I’m looking for a fail proof way, any suggestions?

By: Micaela

Micaela — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 21:12:40 +0000

Both if you’re caught in time. But if not, a cocktail of those quantities is enough to kill you especially if it’s chased with grain alcohol. Being in the ER and getting charcoal pumped in your stomach only happens when you’re not too far gone. The cocktail I assume you’re thinking of taking is very dangerous. If you do survive you’ll be hating yourself over the next few days because your stomach lining is going to be completely shredded from all that shit you downed. Life is better lived, than spending eternity in a lake of fire. God is always with you even if you don’t believe. But seriously, whatever pain you’re going through here on earth, is nothing to what you’re going to experience never ending pain & torment. There is no escape, it’s eternity in hell. I assume your need for suicide is because you’re hurting so much now and have more than likely had enough of this cursed world. But there is a new on coming. A GOD that loves you so much he killed his son just to be able to give (“you/RONNA”) the choice to spend eternity in paradise with him. His love for you is endless. There is a new world coming, don’t give up just so you can suffer with the enemy. Wait, even through out your pain here to spend eternity in peace & joy w/ GOD. God has not forgotten about you!!! Whatever pain you feel, He feels it much worse. This is you’re life & you’re decision but please take into consideration how much you’re worth, it’s more than your mind can conceive. Jesus loves you, and I love you my sister in Christ. Please don’t end your life! Wait for Christ to come back for you, he never sleeps nor slumbers and has not forgotten about you. You go through His mind more than time can count. I love you sister. Please here His words… “I love you my daughter, did I not form you while you were still in your mothers womb? I’ve watched you your whole life for I am the Alpha & Omega (the begging & the end). You’ve been in pain for so long. Scars will not heal scars. I have a plan for you of greatness & prosperity. A loving family & a good job. These things I have promised you. Please do not turn away from me, you’re almost through storm and the sun will shine again. I love you my daughter.” -thus saith The Lord

By: joe

joe — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 13:38:25 +0000

are y’all seriously posting suicide threats on the Internet? y’all need to go to a psychiatrist and learn to deal with your own problems. y’all sound like the dumbest mother fuckers I have ever heard. maybe you all should kill yourselves. darwinism at its finest! survival of the fittest

By: Not giving my name

Not giving my name — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 01:55:44 +0000

This site sucks. I hate my life sooo very much. My parents treat me different then my brother and sister. But they don’t see it. I am researching what drugs I can take that are here at home so I can die. I am already in a waking hell. Life doesn’t get better. I am also gay and that fucking community has treted me like fucking shit. I wish I had drugs. I want to die so fucking badly!!!!!Oh god isnt real btw and he can’t help. I hate when you people think religion can slove everything!!!!!!!!!

By: Priscilla Michaels

Priscilla Michaels — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:21:20 +0000

I agree with JO JO Patrick is an ididot! Gee all I have to do is smile more? Wow your a real freakin genius! All these centuries of Doctors and researchers trying to find a cure and all we ever need to do is smile more. You know Patrick you might want to pull your head out of your ass before making any further statements.

By: Priscilla Michaels

Priscilla Michaels — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:08:36 +0000

I am a 56 year old transgender female. I grew up in a time when being transgender was treated as a mental disorder. I grew up in a very large catholic family I was the middle child of nine. My father was emotionally unavailable to his crazy son. At age 15 he drove me to a state mental hospital and dropped me off and never came to visit. In fact he tried to have the state declare me an encouragable child in order to have me taken away.
He never touched me unless he was beating me with a belt. An older brother love to get his amusement by sitting on my chest with his knees on my hands and holding a pillow over my head till I passed out. I soon became terrified to be alnone with him.

During the months at the state mental hospital I endured days locked in a room alone with only my own thoughts, misuse by those charged with my care, forced injections of some sort of medications and threats of Electro shock therapy. I lived in hell and survived barely. Afterwards I learned to hide who I was inside and learned to appear as macho as I could possibly appear.

I eventually married and fathered two children, all as part of the persona of protection I had built around me. My children grew up with a dad who was always sad and depressed. Who though he did love them could never ever fully connect with them. I was in and out of mental wards for a long time. In the mid 80′s I attempted suicide a full bottle of an anti-dpressant (Trazodone) 500 mg tabs. I spent a few weeks in ICU afterwards was tranfered to a mental hospital and was there several months and suffered several severe grand mal siezures. A temporary after effect from the suicide attempt.

A year and a half ago I finally found the courage to announce to my children and my family my intention to transition. This was the last time and communication with any of them occurred. Though this greatly saddened me I continued along and have been living successfully as a female ever since.

That is of course till recently. The memories of the past have come back with a vengence. The pain and confusion, the hurt and terror of those times have become as fresh as they were then. I am trapped here, with no one who cares. My life has been one long nightmare. It’s time to stop it now. I have 24 vicodin 5/500mg and 20 ambien 10mg along with a 90 day supply of metformin 500mg.

I just want someone to know the pain I intend to leave behind.

Downward Spiral
by: Priscilla Millano 01/06/2012

On a downward spiral my life has been;
With this pain and despair I’m trapped here within.
To not be the one you are deep inside
And, to know from all others you must always hide.
This daily game of hide and seek
Soon one’s hope of tomorrow becomes so, so bleak.

I’ve fought so hard to gain control of my life,
Yet, I’m left trapped here with this pain and misery and even strife.
All those around me say, “Its forward, forward you must go!”
But, in this direction I just can’t go.
I’m tired of acting, and no longer want to pretend,
I want this pain and misery just to come to an end.

Yet if I go by the plan I’ve contrived,
What will happen to the one who hides here inside?
See she’s never experienced the true joy of life
It’s her existence that’s caused everyone’s strife
They hate her, despise her and wish she was gone.
And wish she would see not another dawn.

I am her and she is me
Why, oh why can they not see?
I am invisible the one without form
Yes of my existence there just is no norm!
So many things that I have done,
to get the attention of even one.

But they do not see me that I am here
And never acknowledge my behavior severe.
I’ve run out of options, to find my life
And now I’m trapped here in pain, misery and strife.
So what happens next I do not know
But, from this place, I must surely go.

By: Kathina Stoneson

Kathina Stoneson — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 00:53:04 +0000

I feel the same way sometimes. I lost my husband three years ago. He was the love of my life, and my very best friend. I waited a year before allowing myself to meet someone new… I even spoke with him over the phone for more than 2 months before choosing to meet him. When we met, he idolized me, then slowly , but surely he wittled away at my self confidence and self respect. He is a drunk… He refuses to admit it, because he drinks only beer… But he drinks an 18-30 pack a day. I was initially brought up on a pedestal, then slowly, the “eveil twin” introduced himself to me, by throwing me across the table, twisting my ankle ~ almost to the point of breaking, then my wrist, to my neck & to having bruises all over my body… Yes, he beat me up, twisted my leg, grabbed my neck, & got within inches of slamming my face in the door, because I said the wrong thing while he was drinking. I hate myself for allowing myself to fall in love with Craig, and simply want the bad stuff to go away. I want it to be over, & stop feeling this way. My Mom needed me, and I let her down, because this man was at the edge of his rope, and wanted to give up… But I know now I cannot help him, and in trying, he broke me down. I am sorry, but the pain of giving one’s heart to another, while letting go of the goals I had to help my mother, is all to much for me. I failed my Mom who needed me, just to try to heal the pain of someone who no longer knows how to love. I am so tired, and lost, and feel so guilty for thee choices I made, it is simply time to go.

By: James

James — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 04:20:33 +0000

Life is not wondering how much ambien will kill you. I take ambien to help me sleep after coming home from the war. This way I am able to spend every minute with my family.

By: Sande

Sande — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 19:44:28 +0000

seriously??? hug??? please,you’ve been in therapy too long.

By: Mike

Mike — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:21:52 +0000

Hi i am 16 years old and a month I took 100 mg of Ambien in order to commit suicide. If you havnt already guessed by now, it didnt work. I spent 8 hours throwing up (or so i am told) and had no recollection of 16 hours of my life. I do not regret this decision because it has helped me realize how precious life is. Suicide is a selfish act and abusing drugs to cope with pain is a cowardly, destructive path to folllow. Im not going to try and lie and say i havnt had suicidal thought since this incident, but when i do i think to myself there are people in the world suffering far greater pain than you, in terrible situations who make the best of their life and CHOOSE to be HAPPY regardless. Always have faith that things are going to get better. “For every dark night, there’s a brighter day” -Tupac

By: JoJo

JoJo — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 15:48:12 +0000

this is for Patrick: “Just try smiling more; meeting new people, seeing new places, change your job. Life has so much joy and love in store for everyone and its very easy to see if you just allow yourself to remain optimistic and view life in a positive way. Learn to not take things so seriously, join a church and meet some people there.” You are full of BS. You have absoulutely NO idea what you are talking about and it is people like you that make suicidal people feel wortheless. If we could smile more, meet new people, change our job, to be happy, we would not feel this way you idiot. I just hope that no one read your post and decided to go ahead and take the plunge. You are a moron.

By: Austin

Austin — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 10:20:49 +0000

You only build a tolerance to the effects, the therapeutic index remains the same, so while it may take more over a longer period of time to maintain a point of therapeutic value, the amount you would need to take to kill yourself would be the same regardless of it being day 1 or 100.

By: Kimberly Ann

Kimberly Ann — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 02:45:59 +0000

I havent read all the responses or comments but one thoroughly broke down what not to say to the suicidal person–dead on, really.
I do feel like CRAP. Even uncapping a water bottle takes mental strength enough to surpass my emotions on feeling worthy enough to even drink the damn thing….I have one person I THOUGHT I could count on–as my family is dead, except a sis, who although cares, doesnt have any time to care… This one I above aforementioned has basically hooked himself on perks and landed himself emotionless..unresponsive and cold…leaving me with not a one person to rely on. Granted, the thought of people that actually meant something to me–but have passed–has kept me going….but it seems all else in life seems to get in the way, and alls I keep thinking about is how much I want to join my past beloveds……Life is tough, I know..Been homeless, penniless–all whilst being young..not a touch of support accept from those that were dying in front of me, then later died..been so sick enough that hospitalization was the only thing keeping me alive..And I think, “it could be worse”..yeah I know… but in this state nothing feels worse then the particular sense of worthlessness and betrayal I feel presently….i dont even know if that all made sense, and although I care–I truely dont, I guess..

By: Kphed420

Kphed420 — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 05:17:54 +0000

Yea if u eat it all that’s where ur gona go…dum ass

By: Roddie from Hawaii

Roddie from Hawaii — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 12:31:26 +0000

aloha from hawaii, and I just came across your post, superman… and I totally feel you… there is no quality guys out there. I would like to start like an email penpal thing… darklyter808@gmail.com… we can talk, vent, and laugh.. hope to hear from u soon…

By: steve

steve — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 07:45:38 +0000

i have struggled with depression and insomnia my whole life. i take benadryl every night to sleep and have been for over 10 years. ive tried everything to try to sleep and nothing works. i ended up getting addicted to painkillers because that was the only way i could sleep but im over that now though. i have never been financially stable. my mom killed herself when i was 15 years old and she was the only parent ive ever known. now i feel almost completely alone. i inherited everything and blew it all on alcohol and stupid stuff like that. ive been single pretty much my whole life, except for some random one-night stands and stuff like that. nothing serious untill recently. a friend of mine for 10 years showed some interest in me, one thing led to another, and now we are head over heels in love. however, she wont date me because she just got out of a relationship and wants to be independent for a while. now im afraid that she is going to push me away because shes getting too attached and that isnt what she wants atm. this terrifies me beyond belief because she brings me happiness. i didnt think life got any better than opiates but she proved me wrong. ive never felt closer to anyone in my life. suicide has always been in my mind since i was like 7 or 8 years old and im 23 now. i feel completely hopeless and alone, as i always have. i found this site looking for the best way to od. i assumed painkillers would be the easiest but the good ones are expensive and im broke, as usual. all i have is like 10-15 ambien and i can get a few hundred benadryl. i am seeking therapy currently but im not sure if theyll accept me because i may be too sane. all i want is to lead a happy life and i dont know how. i wake up almost every morning wishing i hadnt. i consider myself of above average intelligence which probably doesnt help with anything im feeling or thinking because i understand whats happening in the world and to the people around me. ive always been selfless to those i love but i never take time to help myself and i dont know why. probably because i hate myself and my life. i wish i didnt and would do anything to feel better. i believe suicide is inevitable unless something (which im not sure what) drastic happens in my life, and soon. im trying of my own accord for the first time in my life to address these issues and get help. i was in tears when i first started writing this and snorted a xanax. i am about to snort another so maybe i can get some sleep. if anyone understands or has gone through what im going through it would be greatly appreciated if they could respond. i just dont want to deal with this anymore.

By: D

Sat, 29 Oct 2011 10:53:33 +0000

Yeah Dwnmack, I ‘m with ya. Not ready to die yet but can’t deal with this shit. Took 30mg ambien, a xanax, a norco, whatever shit i could find and started drinking. I don’t have enough to die, but we’ll see how far this goes.

By: avner

avner — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 06:14:46 +0000

i just thought i would throw this idea out there – i am only one simple person, my college ed. has nothing to do with counseling or therapy like but!! i was wondering if any of you people who have posted on here would like to meet sometime, like yea maybe twice a month at a special location, group circle like, and just talk. it would be good to see the faces of the people going thru what i am going thru. no worries of being reported for our thoughts and intentions, because nobody in this group is obligated to or even wants to report anything. what i want to do is talk and listen to some of you, maybe develop some friendships, the kind that help each other survive. if you are interested you can email me so: carolk888@hotmail.com

By: avner

avner — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 03:53:47 +0000

hey, are you still here?

By: avner

avner — Sat, 29 Oct 2011 03:50:17 +0000

wow – i found this site when i did a search to find out what a lethal dose of ambien would be. now i feel more sad because of what others are going thru. funny, i feel compassion for other people but not for myself. but i also am wow’d by the fact that a ton of other people are feeling exactly what i am feeling tonight. i just mailed my daughter a goodbye letter today. my mind feels such a haze over it right now. a job would probably help a ton for me mentally, i have applied everywhere, and nothing. i will be losing my car any day now, and i keep thinking more and more about just closing my eyes and disappearing.

By: catherine

catherine — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:14:09 +0000

To donna and others on the subject of what NOT to say to someone who is suicidal…
1. don’t talk to them as if they have the ability to NOT choose suicide with “it will get better” because they don’t believe you. You are not where they are. Better to speak truth like, “can you tell me how you are feeling-what is is like, because I don’t know.”
2. Never use the conjunction, “but,” because it negates every word you just said before it. Instead of “I know you are hurting and feel as though it will never get better, but it will” . . . say “I can only try to imagine how horribly depressed, hopeless and full of despair you are right now. I don’t really have a point of reference to understand completely (then take over). “Let’s go call the hotline and they can tell us what to do. I’m going to get the phone book and look up Social Services – they can tell us where to go for help”, or if you know the danger is imminent, say “come with me. I’m driving you to the emergency room.”When a person is suicidal, you need to take over for them, because they can no longer function. Do not leave them alone until they are in the hands of professionals.
3. God is wonder and God is great; although you need to let a suicidal person come to God in their own time – they may be angry with God and feel alienated by him/her. Words like “develop a relationship with God” exaggerates the guilt/despair when they feel God has turned against them. AND OMG, you said, “He paid a price for you for your life . . .don’t you think it’s worth trying to live it,” is like saying, “How dare you, you ungrateful piece of conceit.” In a suicidal person’s mind, Jesus died for everyone else – not them because they see themselves as worthless. Telling them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, to try, don’t you think it’s worth living? Do you know what happens when you try to pull yourself up by your bootstraps? you fall on your arse. A depressed person CANNOT try. They are paralyzed with despair – that’s why you have to take over and lead them to help. And, NO . . . it isn’t worth trying. A depressed person, no matter how thirsty, doesn’t even have the strength to break the cap on a bottle of water . . . because it just isn’t worth the effort.
Lastly, tell them “you are not alone. I love you. DO NOT say, “this will pass, it’s a phase, you’re doing this for attention (that one is soooo bad, you might as well give them the gun yourself) . . .

By: catherine

catherine — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:47:11 +0000

There is help. You don’t have to have money. Call 1-800-273-8255, a suicide hotline and they will put you in touch with a therapist/ psychiatrist right now-you won’t have to wait, and if you can’t pay for it, you don’t have to. I’ve been to the ‘looney bin’ (we prefer the name ‘Home of the Bewildered) a few times during a crisis (bi-polar here), and it’s a great place to be. You need love and support and that is where you will get it. . It’s a SAFE place to fall and there are trained professionals there to help you get back up. This is about YOU and you alone – not your family, your friends, kids ‘er whatever – not those who might profess to love you. YOU do this and do it for yourself, no one else. If you can just pick up the phone, dial the number and say, “I don’t know what to do”… they will take it from there. I’ll be thinking of you.

By: robert

robert — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 04:09:27 +0000

are u askin bcuz u wanna whack yourself

By: smith

smith — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 20:37:56 +0000

40 10mg zolpidem and 60 10mg temazpan and bottle whisky and just fell asleep then woke up 3 hours later very pissed off that i woke up, anyone got any better ideas so i can do the job properly???

By: andrea

andrea — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 13:46:35 +0000

This is a joke. Nowhere here does it say how much you need to take to die which I though was the point. I do not need help, encouragement etc. Just the answer.

By: Same boat

Same boat — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 03:30:29 +0000

Hey hi ino exactly watu mean.my girlfriend threw me out2.all i want is a way2end it.we as humans didn’t ask2b here,now we hav2put up with all the bs that goes round.im currently looking4a way out&1more thing its tru bout sum men not worried bout having kids.u sound so like me

By: meg

meg — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 02:11:21 +0000

iThis will definately kill you.

By: meg

meg — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 02:09:09 +0000

This will definately kill you.

By: ronald pomerleau

ronald pomerleau — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 19:23:49 +0000

I read all replies, some good with advise some bad. I’m not a person to preach religion…..thats something you find with in your heart. Myself, I lost my spouse (the love of my life), also suffered three heart attacks & two strokes and now dealing with nueropathy………which is very painful, but still wake up each and every day all alone but glad to be alive even with pain. So please think twice before doing something foolish……life is precious, you only live once…..but your “forever” dead!!!!

By: Anne

Anne — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 06:45:01 +0000

My story echoes yours. My docs prescribe tons of meds, ambien,adavan, limictol, klonopin, lexapro but I am still down. My mother Had 8th stroke. She is very dependent on me. I have admitted and discharged her over 24 tines in the past 18 months. My siblings pretend to help but never do. I worked for 18 years same job. I have been out of work due to depression on disability for six months. They just eliminated my job. So I am now jobless and depressed. I want to bury mom before I leave but it is hard just waiting. Just took 4 ambien. I feel all your pain, it lives and twinkle and pricks under my skin. I am sure after mom dies I will be relieved, the care duties will end. My tine here will end and I will join her. I have to prepare lists on how to get at my money/morgage/401k/life ins plans./banks. please send some good ideas on how to organize the intangible assets. Need to organize Passwords banks,lockboxes, Safe boxes, credit cards, utility company, will needs order since my house now looks like a bomb hit it.

My husband thinks I should not be sad,
This deficiency with empathy/sympathy is his proud armor. I wish for it when I prey.

Getting messier every week. I only brushed my hair 1 time last week. Any practical advise about funeral planning?
To Vic, jlo, moira